Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
