Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
