shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
