We got so high we made milksteak
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If I die, sorry about rent.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
