I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
