She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
