he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
