Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
