just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
