im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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