TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Is it because I queefed?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
