Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
