your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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