"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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