I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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