Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
