We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
