he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
