OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
