i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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