New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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