Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
