how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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