I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
