I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Fuck appropriateness.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
As shirtless as possible
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
