I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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