to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
operation harelip BJ is a go
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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