Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
