I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Operation Purity has been aborted
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
