Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
