the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
