Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
another moral hangover. fuck.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize