its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
