Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
