i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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