i may or may not be watching the land before time
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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