the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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