You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize