fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
