apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
