6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize