the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
