well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
