Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
