ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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