What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize