I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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