I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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