Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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