All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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