i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
