its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize