I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
