Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
