You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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