i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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