I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
