I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
