I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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