I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
