the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Say something about gay babies.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
