You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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