I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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