I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
