Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
