i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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