i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
